Life at 26

26 is a confused age to be in. I wanna stay a kid, but I wanna grow up as well.

Independence, financially, mentally and emotionally, is a constant target at the back of my head, yet I’m expected to be dependent, by society, on parents, friends, relatives and in some time, on spouse. So the time gap between being a child and being a ‘responsible’ adult, the phase where I’m just an adult taking his own decisions, is marginal.

Getting older won’t necessarily give me more clarity, as I’ve very clearly observed in my case. I had a lot more conviction at 15 and 18 and 21, than I have now. Probably experience has taught me to be more careful and cautious, but it’s not something I’ve yet adapted to. Probably there is still some life left to kill.There’s a want to excel, but a need to be myself, maybe a little different from others, departing from the usual meaning of excellence. But since I’m in a confused age and haven’t yet been able to clearly define my meaning of excellence, I feel like I’m following a well tread path. There is a comfort in knowing how the path goes, deriving benefits from my predecessors’ experiences, but there’s a desire to run away from this comfort. To create my own path. But while I have a silent confidence in my abilities to carve out such a road, there’s this doubt if it is the flip side of ignorance. There’s the societally embedded fear of failure since the stakes are higher every minute.

A person like me, who thrives on clarity of thought feels a little confused at 26. And since confusion is many times a precursor to great things, sometimes I start doubting my dependence on clarity.

This is the Sciolist.

Signing Out!!!